


In Another's Shoes

by LizaGreen



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Catra Has Issues (She-Ra), Catra is Bad at Feelings (She-Ra), Catra-centric (She-Ra), Eating Disorders, F/F, Glimmer (She-Ra) is a Good Friend, Glimmer Needs a Hug (She-Ra), Hurt Catra (She-Ra), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Oblivious Adora (She-Ra), Past Child Abuse, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, catnip, high catra, or at least she tries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27161338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizaGreen/pseuds/LizaGreen
Summary: Instead of allowing Catra free reign of his ship, Horde Prime locks her up with Glimmer instead. Months of running herself ragged catches up with Catra and Glimmer must deal with the fallout.Starring: Catra high on catnip, Prime being his usual creepy self, Hordak in denial and one slightly botched rescue mission. Part 2 now up!
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 280





	1. Chapter 1

Being locked in a cell with no one but your worst enemy tends to give one a new perspective, Glimmer had found, scowling at her new roommate. Catra glared right back, curled up into the smallest ball she possibly could, tail twitching around her ankles. If Glimmer didn’t know any better, she would have said it was a perverse act of self-comfort. 

But she did know better. 

They had been stuck on Horde Prime’s ship for ten hours now, having been locked into this cell together by the man himself, left adrift and alone in space, far from her friends and help. With only Catra as back-up. Both teenagers had glared at each other in mutual agreement to call a silent truce for now and that was that. The fact that Prime had thought to only give them the one bed was even somewhat less of a chore- Catra had immediately curled herself into that corner and stayed there, eyes peeking out over her knees. Glimmer had paced, bashed at the ‘door’, screamed for attention and finally worn herself out by kicking the chair a few times. Now she was flopped, belly-first, on the bed, watching her greatest enemy and trying not to fall asleep. 

Catra looked in need of sleep herself. Glimmer groaned out loud, hoping it would elicit some form of reaction, emotion, _anything_ from her enemy. Nothing. Not even a twitch. 

“Are you just going to sit there all day, or are you going to help?” she griped, wondering why she was bothering. As if Catra of all people would help her. The other girl said nothing, tail curling around her ankles a little tighter. “I’ll take that as a no then,” Glimmer muttered to herself, rolling over so she didn’t have to look anymore. It was bad enough living with the guilt of what she had set off back home- she didn’t need to see wanton eyes every time she glanced into the corner. It wasn’t like she had done anything to _Catra_. 

“What would be the point?” Glimmer jumped at the quiet question, spoken in a low voice. The same low tone that she hadn’t heard until finding the girl slumped, defeated, in the Fright Zone. It wasn’t something she could really associate with Catra, the one person who seemed to always be three steps ahead and they only winning because Adora would figure something out with She-Ra or Light Hope at the last minute. That was how it had worked for nearly two years now. 

“What do you mean what’s the point?” Glimmer snapped, half annoyed at the question and half frightened by this shell of a person she was stuck with. She didn’t need a moping Catra right now- she needed Hordak’s second-in-command, the person willing to sabotage, manipulate and connive her way to the top. The person capable of ordering the deaths of thousands in cold blood and kidnapping others just to get back at Adora. The person who could set off portals that killed mothers. “The point is to get out of here!” She couldn’t turn to look at her right now. 

“We’re never getting out of here,” Catra intoned glumly. Her voice was muffled. “Hordak was erased. Horde Prime will strip Etheria of its Heart and end the lives of all your friends.” She didn’t sound particularly happy with that. “We’re nothing more than pets and live entertainment now.” 

“No!” Glimmer shouted, rocketing to her feet and whirling around to face the other girl, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. “No, I don’t believe that! I _know_ there’s a way we can get out!” She would have continued if she hadn’t caught the faraway look in Catra’s eyes, a look that said she wasn’t even there in the room with her anymore, mentally gone. 

“There is no way out,” Catra whispered and Glimmer stared as tears pooled in her eyes, making swift tracks down her cheeks and catching in the soft fur on her face. “There never was.” 

It sounded too much like defeat for her to bear. 

* * *

Horde Prime called them to a twisted version of a banquet dinner, serving them food from long dead planets he had conquered. Glimmer forced herself to eat, failing at resisting Prime’s manipulations to get to know how to use the Heart of Etheria. So long as he knew she was important, he would have to keep her alive and the longer she was alive, the longer she had to plan her escape. An escape that would have to include Catra. 

The leader of the Horde barely ate three bites from her plate. 

Horde Prime seemed to think this funny. He treated Glimmer with all the deference her position as Queen deserved, but Catra... there was something off in the way he caressed her face, the tone of voice as he called her “Little Sister.” And each time Catra would flinch, as if physically struck, and Glimmer could do little more than watch. She remembered Catra’s earlier words, describing them as pets for Prime’s amusement. She could see that now, but she hadn’t thought that would be something to bother someone who grew up in the Horde. 

Eventually, Prime grew bored of their despair and had them escorted back to their cell. Catra returned to her corner and Glimmer, too exhausted to be wary of an attack in her sleep, was out like a light within moments of her head hitting the pillow. 

She woke in the dark to the sound of retching. 

Their cell was nice enough to have an adjacent, separate bathroom. At some point, the light had been turned off, leaving the cell in darkness, illuminated only by the dim glow of the green energy acting as a door and the light shining through the bathroom door. Catra must have had some sense left to turn it opaque, which made the light brighter, but it did nothing to dull the sound. It sounded as if she couldn’t decide whether to be sick or sob, so her body had decided to do both. Glimmer winced at each wretched, choked noise, sliding out of bed. She wasn’t so heartless as to leave the girl to whatever had disagreed with her. 

She found Catra slumped over the toilet, headpiece discarded in the floor, shaking. She’d stopped being sick, if she even had considering her lack of eating, but didn’t seem to have the energy to move. Pity mixed with guilt squirmed in Glimmer’s stomach. She was the reason Prime had found Etheria, she was the one who activated the Heart of Etheria, showing Prime how to use it. She was the reason they were here in the first place. All Catra had done, was be in the wrong place at the wrong time on that particular day, not counting any of her past actions. And, if she were honest with herself, there was something terribly _off_ about the other girl, had been since before they arrived. 

“Catra?” she whispered, feeling awkward. She had no idea what the other girl was like when she was sick. “Are you-” She didn’t say _alright,_ that would be stupid. It was obvious Catra was very much not _alright_ , but she didn’t know what else to say. She settled for gently prying the girl away from the toilet and flushing. Catra barely resisted, eyes glazed and shivering. Glimmer pressed a hand to the girl’s forehead, but -not knowing what temperature the cat-girl was supposed to be- couldn't tell if she was running a fever or not. “C’mon Catra, let’s get you somewhere comfortable,” Glimmer murmured. Something sparked in Catra’s eyes as she slapped her hands away. 

“No,” she spat in a croaking voice, hoarse from before. Glimmer frowned. 

“You’re sick, you shouldn’t be sleeping on the floor-” she started but Catra shook her head vehemently. 

“No,” she snapped again, more firmly. “No, Adora, you know what Shadow-Weaver will do if she finds out.” Glimmer froze, barely daring to breathe. _Oh, I am so not prepared for this_ , she thought, guilt tangling in her stomach. Adora had warned her what Shadow Weaver was, what she had done to her. Not once, had she mentioned what the sorceress had done to Catra. Glimmer had just assumed that it had been nothing. 

And oh, how wrong she was, once again. 

“Catra...” Glimmer started, unsure what to say. What _did_ one say to their enemy-turned-fellow-captive who was hallucinating on a bathroom floor? She didn’t know Catra well enough to _have_ an answer. But she had to try, if not for Adora, then for the sake of escaping. “Catra, I promise, Shadow-Weaver can’t get to you here.” And she could promise that because Shadow-Weaver was many things, but a teleporter across galaxies was not one of them. “So please, let me help you.” Catra stared at her as if she were speaking nonsense. 

“No,” she whimpered, struggling lightly as Glimmer hauled her to her feet, shaking worse than ever. “No, Adora, please... She’ll hurt you too, I swear.” Glimmer swallowed back more guilt. _I was the one who started vouching for Shadow-Weaver,_ she thought, disgusted. _I told Adora that I knew what she was. And Adora was right, all along._ Catra mewled in distress as Glimmer set her gently on the bed, struggling weakly as Glimmer attempted to wrap her in a blanket. 

She stilled when Glimmer pulled her into a hug once safely entrapped in the blanket cocoon, drifting back to sleep. Glimmer tried to pretend she couldn’t feel each and every one of Catra’s ribs as she did the same. 

* * *

Glimmer jolted awake a few hours later to Catra thrashing about, claws ripping through the blanket as she tore her way out of the cocoon Glimmer had wrapped her into. She could see sweat gathered on her shoulder-blades now, a sure sign that the other girl _was_ sick and fighting something in her delusion. 

“Get away from me!” Catra shrieked, pupils' mere pinpricks, terrified beyond reason. 

“Catra!” Glimmer cried, rolling away from flailing claws. The last thing she needed right now was to be torn apart by a half-mad cat girl in a fever induced hallucination. 

“No!” Catra screamed, leaping off the bed and backing into a corner, hugging herself and shaking. “I’m not Adora’s pet, you can’t treat me like this!” Glimmer felt her blood run cold once again. “I-I’m a person, I have value, you can’t- you can’t throw me away like trash!” A lump formed in her throat at the sob in Catra’s voice as she spoke to a phantom in the air, to someone only she could see. 

“Shadow-Weaver isn’t here Catra,” Glimmer said gently, hands up as she stepped carefully around the bed. “She cannot hurt you.” _Not anymore,_ she thought. She remembered all the times Shadow-Weaver spoke of training Adora and sneered at the mention of Catra, how Adora had first shook at the mention of being ‘grounded’ and the way the sorceress had claimed to want revenge of both Hordak and Catra. As if, somehow even then, Catra had done some greater evil than Hordak to her, some greater act than betrayal. 

It was not a realisation she particularly wanted to have, millions of miles away from home on an enemy spaceship. Allowing herself a moment to curse her own stupidity _again,_ she approached a shaking Catra carefully. She was watched by terrified gold and blue eyes. 

“Catra... No one in this room is going to hurt you,” she said firmly. “I promise.” _And I’ll do my best to keep it,_ she thought stubbornly. “Please, you aren’t well...” Catra curled up further as Glimmer approached, but thankfully didn’t attack. She had nothing to wrap her in, nothing to warm her in the chill of the spaceship- there had only been the one blanket after all. She wondered if she asked for another, they would give it, or any medicine to help her cellmate. _Probably not,_ she thought guiltily. _Catra isn’t the one they need._

The other girl whimpered as Glimmer removed her cloak and wrapped it around her as best she could. It wasn’t much, more gauze than anything, all for show rather than warmth. But it was all she had right now. Catra was burning even warmer than before, the dark shadows that had previously been present under her eyes all the more visible now. Without her mask, she looked oddly younger, more vulnerable. Glimmer jumped as a tail wrapped itself around her wrist. 

“You promise?” she whispered, tears brimming in wide eyes. Glimmer swallowed hard and nodded. 

“I promise.” 

* * *

It took little more to get Catra back in bed and a few minuets shouting for one of the Horde clones to ask what was wrong. Glimmer demanded another couple of blankets, which were surprisingly brought, and she wrapped them around the shivering form on the bed and settled in to watch over her. There was nothing else to do. It didn’t feel right to hold her again, not after everything she had learnt, and it appeared that Catra needed all the rest she could get. Especially if they were going to get out of this together. 

Unfortunately, her vigil was interrupted by a request to meet with Prime. Glimmer held her ground stubbornly, demanding that Catra be there when she returned. She was met with blank stares. One reached out and dragged her from the cell, no word crossing his lips of what would happen to the sick girl who had not woken once. Glimmer clenched her fists, vowing she would track her down should she not be there when Prime felt the need to stop toying with her. 

And toy with her he did. All soft promises and veiled threats. Shadow Weaver had nothing on this creature, her manipulations child’s play in comparison. This was a creature eons old, with a memory that lasted far longer than even Razz’s and knowledge of Mara. But then Glimmer would remember Catra, how the girl had begged Adora to leave her behind, and forced herself to resist this as best she could. 

Throwing the relic on the ground was probably not the smartest move. But it was grounding. 

“Return her to her cell,” Prime ordered, hardly sounding perturbed. Glimmer resisted a moment. 

“What will you do to Catra?” she spat. Prime raised his only eyebrow, extra eyes blinking at her. 

“And what would care about our Little Sister?” Prime asked. There was no note of curiosity despite the show that she had surprised him. Glimmer swallowed and forced herself not to shake. 

“She’s... important to me,” she said, deciding not to admit that Catra was either sick or important to She-Ra. She wouldn’t give anything to this thing that wanted to destroy their home. “I want to see her punished properly for her crimes against Etheria.” Prime looked amused. 

“As you so wish,” he said. Glimmer shuddered, standing her ground. 

“That means I need her as is, not... anything else,” she stuttered, trying to sound more confident than she felt. She needed to be a Queen, not a scared little girl wishing her mother was here to help. Prime waved a hand. 

“You will find medicine for the Magicat in your room,” Prime stated. “It wouldn’t do for her to expire before seeing... justice.” Glimmer nodded and expelled a breath she hadn’t realised she was holding once out of the room. 

* * *

Prime kept his word and there was a bottle of medicine sitting on the tray with their meal when Glimmer reached the cell. Catra looked to not have moved, cocooned in blankets as she was. At least it seemed that she had stopped shivering. Mismatching eyes blinked open as she broke the cap, hoping that Prime hadn’t given her poison. 

“What’s that?” Catra slurred, seemingly more with it after her nap. Glimmer held out the cup of water and pill. 

“Medicine,” she said, “to help you get better.” Catra pulled back, hissing. Glimmer followed, wondering what was wrong _now_. “C’mon, it’ll help you feel better!” Catra’s ears flattened against her skull, still hissing, teeth bared. 

“Shadow Weaver _never_ gives me medicine,” she spat through gritted teeth. “It’s probably poison!” Glimmer ignored the pang of guilt once more- just another reason to hate Shadow Weaver- and chased the girl across the bed, firm in not giving up. 

“Well, I’m not Shadow Weaver,” she snapped, thoroughly losing patience after everything. Why couldn’t Catra just be _grateful_ for two seconds? “And I’m telling you it will make you better.” The other girl, backed into a corner, clamped her mouth shut, weirdly purring to herself. Glimmer had never heard a cat purr in distress before, but there was a first time for everything she supposed. “Please, Catra, just... take it.” A single eye opened, squinting at her. 

Briefly, Catra opened her mouth. It was enough for Glimmer to tip the pill in and offer the glass. Catra squealed, swallowing reflexively, and gulped down the water before Glimmer could stop her. She gasped, gagged, but somehow didn’t vomit it all back up. Glimmer blew a sigh of relief, thanking her lucky stars that the other girl had such a strong stomach. 

She returned to the tray of food, dividing it up between them. Prime was hardly stingy with their food, but Glimmer still ensured that Catra got the bigger portions. She would need all the strength she could get, firstly to fight off whatever was eating away at her, and then to aid in escape. 

If she would even want to escape.

_Don’t be stupid,_ Glimmer told herself as she brought the tray over to the bed and the blanket cocoon that Catra had jumped back into the moment she had taken the medicine. _There’s no way she would take being a prisoner lying down. Look at how she connived her way out of being your prisoner._ Comforted by that thought, she poked the lump in the middle of the bed, holding out the tray. 

“Catra, you have to eat,” she said. Two eyes watched her warily from the blanket cocoon. Glimmer sighed and took a mouthful from her own plate. “See, its good.” It wasn’t even too much of a lie- she wasn’t sure exactly _what_ Prime was serving them, but it wasn’t horrible. Could do with being a bit sweeter though. Catra still eyed it warily. 

“It’s... colourful,” she commented, poking it with a claw. It was the most endearing thing Glimmer had seen from the other girl. “How comes it’s not grey or brown?” Glimmer bit her lip, refusing to laugh at the lost tone of voice. Adora had been the same, stuffing down food at a rate she couldn’t believe after being reassured that anything that wasn’t grey or brown was still _food_. That was, until Catra continued. “And it’s not meat either.” She poked it again. “Shadow Weaver said the fresher the better.” 

Her food turned to ash in her mouth. 

“It’s... food from Horde Prime,” she settled on, not wanting to think about _that_ statement. _Cat, remember? Of course, she’s somewhat carnivorous_. She could have slapped herself. Catra slowly, warily, took a mouthful, then another and another, eyes lighting up in delight. Happy purrs filled the room as she dropped the blankets, tail bobbing in ecstatic glee. 

“This is _way_ better than fresh meat!” she exclaimed, eyes bright. It was... strange. She took another bite, still purring. “I always hated the way fresh kills bled round my fangs and it was hell to clean out of my fur.” She licked her wrist where some kind of sauce had collected. 

She slowed before she was even half done, however. Glimmer frowned. 

“Catra... you need to eat more than that,” she said, trying to coax her into eating more. Catra shook her head. 

“I’m full,” she said. Now that she wasn’t petrified of... something (and Glimmer tried to pretend she didn’t know what that something was), she seemed to have regressed into a childlike state, watching Glimmer with wide eyes still glazed with fever. “If I eat more I’ll be sick.” Glimmer frowned. 

“But... you haven’t even eaten that much.” She had less left on her plate than Catra, despite hardly tasting anything. Catra shrugged. 

“It’s more than I’ve eaten in...” she trailed off, frowning as she thought. The purrs cut off abruptly and her tail thrashed in distress rather than pleasure now. “I don’t know,” she finished in a small voice. “I remember eating in the Crimson Waste... They threw us a party, do you remember?” She perked up at the thought. Glimmer nodded, remembering their first foray into the desert with Adora. She still had nightmares about the plants. Catra hummed in delight, thinking, as Glimmer tried to ignore the dread crawling around in her stomach. “Yeah, and the food there was good too! And... Scorpia made me tea all the time, it was really good, soothing...” She thought hard, biting her lip. She still hadn’t put her head piece back on, hair flopping over her forehead. “There was the whole portal thing... and Scorpia always brought those tiny snacks Entrapta liked whenever she brought me tea until they ran out... I just... I don’t remember having time to eat,” she finished, as if that explained everything. 

Glimmer was definitely not squirming in her seat. 

“Well, you need to eat more. It’s probably how you got sick,” she mumbled, wondering how, in the name of Etheria, Catra had beaten _Hordak_ on what seemed to be very little sleep and food. Let alone had been beating them so soundly for so long in what seemed to be one long downhill spiral. _I don’t think I want to know what she could have done if she hadn’t been spiralling,_ she thought and then cursed herself for being glad of someone else’s clear distress. Catra blinked dumbly at her. 

“I know,” she said, freakishly bright. “There just never seemed much point. There were always more important things to be doing. Besides, being sick is being weak. And the Horde crushes the weak.” Glimmer noted the other girl’s pupils were dilated wide. 

“Are... Are you high?” she wondered out loud. Catra blinked again, incredibly slowly, humming. 

“I think there was Catnip in the tablets,” she mused. “Tasted like it. Shadow Weaver grew it once in her supposedly secret garden.” Catra flopped backwards into the blankets, almost knocking the tray flying. “She got really mad when I rolled in it, but it was _sooo_ _fun_!” She giggled, a sound Glimmer never thought she would hear from the other. “It was worth it though,” she continued, a small little grin forming on her face, beckoning Glimmer closer, as if to share a secret. Glimmer scooted further up the bed, making sure the tray was safely ensconced on the ground. “Adora let me sleep in her bed,” she stage-whispered, eyes blown wide. “And she called me her silly kitty.” Catra giggled again, purring and wriggling in the blankets as if to simulate rolling in the catnip in Shadow Weaver’s garden. 

Glimmer had no idea what to say to that. 

Catra rolled over to watch her from her stomach, holding a pillow close. Glimmer hugged another, wondering. Catra’s rumbling purrs filled the room, her tail twitching lazily in the air. 

“Did she have daisies?” she blurted out, unsure why. It just seemed as mad as everything else that came out of High Catra’s mouth. Catra hummed, nodding. 

“Yeah, right next to the catnip. Adora said she was more mad about them than the catnip, but...” She sighed, trailing off dreamily. “I made Adora a flower crown from them and we played Attack the Princess for hours before Shadow Weaver found us.” Glimmer found herself wondering exactly where this version of Catra had been over the last eighteen months. 

“She said she finds them cheerful,” Glimmer said numbly. Catra giggled. 

“They certainly cheered Adora up!” she squealed. And then wilted. “She punished me the next day. No rations, no water and I was her pet the whole day. No talking allowed.” She shuddered. “I hate being called a pet.” The last part was a mumble. Glimmer swallowed, reaching out a hand a moment, before pulling it back. 

“Why... why would you be so mad about someone so horrible leaving?” she asked, a question she had had since everything that had happened in the Crimson Waste. Adora didn’t talk much about it, but the way Catra had cast aside her shiny new jacket after they entered the Fright Lands now spoke new volumes. “Shouldn’t you be glad?” Catra blinked at her. 

“She was the only mother I had,” she said sadly, tears gathering in her eyes. “Even if she did love Adora more than me, she’d... she let me keep the catnip after that day and she’d scratch behind my ears whenever Adora led our team to victory in training...” A hand reached up to stroke the hidden paler tufts by her ears. “And when we were really little, she’d read stories to Adora and let me listen too.” 

Glimmer didn’t know whether to be sad or horrified by what she was hearing. 

“Catra, that’s... that’s not love,” she said softly, wishing dearly her mother was here. That she could tell her how to make this better. But Catra was the reason her mother was dead, too. “And, for what it's worth... you’ve never been a pet to us. You’re actually the scariest person in the Horde.” She paused as she thought about that. “Well, apart from maybe Hordak.” Catra blinked and then snorted. 

“Who, that shut in?” she giggled, brightening. “Hordak’s easy! You just remind him of Entrapta and send him off in the right direction!” Glimmer stared at her and she shrugged. “All he does is build robots that break and bemoan how terrible his life is. ‘Oh no, I’m a Clone!’” Glimmer jolted as Catra suddenly deepened her voice in a mockery of Hordak and Horde Prime. “’And I was built terribly! Whatever will I do without this enhanced suit that Entrapta built me? But never, ever say her name!’” She broke into more giggles. “Honestly, he was the _easiest_ to handle after Shadow Weaver left.” 

“That’s... good to know.” Glimmer did not know how to feel about this Catra. “Um, I’m tired now, so I think I’m going to go for a nap.” Catra wilted a little. 

“Oh,” she said, curling back into a little ball. “I’ll, um, take the floor then.” Glimmer grabbed her wrist before she could jump down. 

“No, it’s ok,” she said, wondering what she was doing. “Just... don’t sleep on me.” Catra stared at her in some amazement, mouth open slightly, before, oddly, colouring. 

“I am not sleeping at _your_ feet,” she hissed, retreating to the other side of the bed. “This is my corner,” she declared, dragging over the blankets, briefly padding around on all fours for a moment in a little circle before settling down with a yawn. “Night, Sparkles.” 

She didn’t know if it was a good or a bad thing that Catra fell asleep so quickly. 

* * *

With steady food and rest, Catra’s illness soon abated but Prime did not stop administrating catnip. Instead, dinners were suddenly designated to them each, the catnip residing in Catra’s. The other girl didn’t _seem_ to mind, happy to babble on about the good times in the Horde, all of which included Adora and a few newer ones which included Scorpia. It made Glimmer think of the Horde Princess with a pang of guilt- even Catra seemed to think of her as simple even if she did admit she was a good friend. There was something underlying there, as if Catra were wondering if she were her _best_ friend. 

Glimmer wasn’t sure either. 

However, with Catra constantly high, keeping her focused on a plan to escape was... difficult. While far chattier than Glimmer had ever seen her, she also tended to go off on tangents. It was like trying to talk to Entrapta at her worst. And these tangents only made that pit of guilt in her stomach regarding Shadow Weaver and her own actions defending the witch deeper. She got the feeling Adora didn’t even know this much about the woman, confirmed by Catra herself after she admitted that Adora didn’t know about the punishment after the whole catnip incident in Shadow Weaver’s secret garden. 

She did, occasionally, offer a few tidbits of advice here and there. “You know only the Clones can open the doors, right?” she had asked, tone drawling but lacking the sting it usually had, as Glimmer attempted to poke the door into submission. The most she had done was keep turning the opaque option on and off. The clone on the other side seemed to be getting irritated by it. “Why don’t you try provoking Hordak?” Glimmer blinked. 

“Hordak is back to being just another mindless clone, remember?” she grunted, kicking the door. Catra raised a lazy hand from her little nest in ‘her’ corner of the bed. 

“Yeah, but _he’s_ the only one to call me Catra,” the girl stated, yawning. “Hey, dumbface,” she warbled and giggled at some inside joke. The clone sneered as Glimmer blinked in surprise. 

“You will not show Prime such insubordination Cat- Little Sister,” the clone growled, catching himself mid-rant. “I have no identity outside of Prime’s glorious might. I have no need of a name.” 

“Uh huh,” Catra hummed, eyes hooded sleepily, a soft smile on her face. “So _that’s_ why you gave yourself one the moment you landed on Etheria.” Glimmer huffed a sigh at the other girl’s antics. High Catra might be nicer than Normal Catra, but she still liked to take digs at people, and it would win them no favours here. 

“You will be _silent_!” Glimmer blinked at him. 

“You _are_ Hordak,” she whispered. _We can use this. Maybe._ She watched as Hordak reeled back, sneering at them through the door. For a moment, she thought he was coming through. Then he froze, eyes lighting with the presence of Prime as he suddenly relaxed. 

“Oh, Little Sister,” Horde Prime leered through the door. “You do so like to make things difficult for yourself.” Catra gave as hard a glare as she could through the haze of catnip. Even Bow wouldn’t have quailed at it. With one final sneer, he was gone and Hordak was left standing to attention, silent and serene, as if he hadn’t been about to attack. Wiped clean once again. 

Catra rolled over with a huff. 

* * *

Glimmer was in the middle of trying to force Catra to take a shower at the very least- as much as she didn’t wish to witness the other girl naked, it was also alarming that she had done little more than wash herself with her own tongue- when they were interrupted by the abrupt arrival of Entrapta, Bow and a clone. 

“Guys I found them!” Entrapta squealed. Catra, under another fresh and heavier dose of catnip than usual, slumped over uselessly to eye the Tech Princess through dilated eyes. 

“Entrapta!” she called, sounding an odd mix of guilty and pleased. “You’re here! And not on Beast Island!” Entrapta blinked at her. Catra gave a slow blink back and the purplenette squealed. 

“Oh, you _do_ like me!” she squealed. “Social Log 1: Horde’s ship. Catra’s cat nature seems to be heightened by something and shows signs of pleasure seeing old acquaintances.” Bow gave her an odd look. 

“Great,” Glimmer huffed, “can we get out of here please?!” 

“Sure!” Entrapta agreed. “Wrong Hordak, open the door!” The clone gave the princess a bright smile, tapping the door open happily. 

“Glimmer!” Bow cried, jumping into the cell to give her a hug. Catra, who seemed to have decided that being boneless was great fun, made no move to leave Glimmer’s shoulder, causing Bow to pull up short, face contorting through several emotions ranging from confusion, awe and a silent squee. Glimmer tried to pretend it wasn’t there. 

“Hi, Bow,” she groaned, wondering how someone who hadn’t even managed to put on any weight with all the food Prime had given them, even having the larger portions, could be so heavy. “Help?” Bow eyed Catra warily. Catra giggled. “You shush,” she snapped to the other girl. It only made her laugh more. Entrapta had her head cocked to one side. 

“Social Log 2: Horde’s ship. Catra is responding abnormally to social interaction,” she commented into her recorder. Catra gave her a lazy smile. 

“I’m _really_ high,” she informed the world at large happily. Glimmer saw Bow’s jaw hit the floor in her peripheral. 

“Bow, any time now,” she huffed, attempting to drag the other girl towards the door. Attempt, since she was _still_ a dead weight. “Where’s Adora?” 

“Um... trying to negotiate with Horde Prime for you?” he stuttered, stumbling forwards to help with Catra. The girl’s hand flailed towards her head. 

“Adora...?” she mumbled. _Please don’t hallucinate here,_ Glimmer begged in her head. She had found that Catra, on a bad day, tended to do that. “Wait, my headpiece!” She struggled, but considering she could barely stand upright alone, didn’t go anywhere fast. Glimmer blinked at her. It had been _days,_ if not _weeks_ and she hadn't once made a point about the damn thing and _now_ she decided to throw a hissy fit about it? Bow glanced to her and she sighed. 

“Bathroom floor,” she said. Entrapta was gone before she could blink, appearing moments later, the red piece of metal in one pigtail. 

“Found it!” she exclaimed. 

“Good. Can we go now and save Adora?” Glimmer huffed. Catra, in a sudden burst of exuberance, swiped the headpiece from Entrapta, settling it on her head. As if under some kind of sobering spell, she wrenched herself away from them, standing on her own. Only a gentle sway and her dilated pupils gave away how truly off her head she was. 

“Prime’s going to use us as leverage,” she said firmly, voice steely compared to before. “He’d be stupid not to. There’ll be clones here any minute.” She glanced over at Entrapta, Bow and the clone. “Think you can slow them down for a while?” Bow gaped at her. 

“Oh, you are _so_ not going anywhere alone,” he growled, hands curled into fists. 

“I’m not going anywhere alone,” Catra said, blinking rapidly at him. “Sparkles will be with me.” Glimmer barely had time to think _What?_ Before Bow shouted the same thing. She shrugged, head lolling to one side. “I need someone to hit the backs of their necks properly. My vision’s all...” She waved a hand in the air, as if to show them what the world looked like to her. 

It occurred to Glimmer, suddenly, that the other girl was not only _helping_ them, but also fighting through a haze of delirium to do so. As if the day couldn’t get any weirder. 

“I have a question?” the clone asked politely. “Why will our brothers be attacking us? We are all bathed in Prime’s light.” Catra burst into explosive laughter before shushing herself. Glimmer felt a bead of sweat drop down her cheek. Entrapta launched into an explanation as Glimmer set a hand on Bow’s shoulder. 

“I’ll be fine,” she reassured him. “I’ve been dealing with her the whole time. She’s... been worse.” She was _not_ going to tell Bow about Catra chasing an imaginary Adora around their room and stealing Glimmer’s cloak for a blanket. At least she was somewhat _aware_ of her actions right now. Bow looked set to object but Catra was already walking away. “We’ll meet back up with you _with_ Adora.” Bow nodded, turning instead to the steadily deteriorating clone, who seemed to be having some sort of existential crisis. 

She hoped they could handle that as she ran after Catra. 

High Catra was still able to move quickly, albeit without her usual grace. One missed leap between beams had her running instead on all fours across the ground. Glimmer tried her best to keep up, panting and cursing the other girl for being as fit as Adora, even half-starved and sleep deprived. Again, she tried not to think of the monster they would have been up against had Catra ever been in her right mind. The corridors were mercifully empty, the clones seemingly converging on Bow and Entrapta, or elsewhere. 

The reason why, became painfully clear once they reached the main control room. 

Adora was stood in the middle of the room, half-panicked and held between two clones in front of a pool of glowing green goop. Glimmer didn’t even want to know. The clones were attempting to shove her in. Glimmer had no time to think of how to stop this, however- with a hissing cry, Catra leapt, claws extended, to attack the clone on the left. Prime shot to his feet from the comfortable slouch he had been in on his throne as Glimmer, throwing caution to the wind, thwacked the other on the back of the neck. He crumpled. _Huh, so that’s what she meant by the back of the_ _neck,_ she thought. Adora gaped at her a moment. 

“Glimmer? What...?” Catra yelped as the clone threw her off, skidding to a stop by the edge of the pool. Prime made a grab for her, but she rolled away, hissing. “ _Catra_ ,” Adora breathed, eyes wide. 

“I should have had you put down, Little Sister,” Prime growled, irritated as Catra deftly slid left to avoid another swipe, rolled behind the clone she had originally attacked and managed a somewhat accurate stab into the clone’s chip with extended claws, missing only by her smallest finger. She barely blinked as the clone collapsed, becoming a barrier to Prime. 

“Long story short, we got captured together, I have no magic and Catra’s _really_ high on catnip. She-Ra would be wonderful right about now,” Glimmer squeaked, eyeing their surroundings as another five clones came to surround them. Adora gulped, reaching for a retractable staff. 

“I can’t,” she said, words barely tripping over each other, watching Catra slink away from Prime, wobbling slightly. “I had to break the Sword to stop... you know.” She was distracted by a clone attacking, Glimmer’s heart sinking into her stomach as she evaded another. _No_ _She-Ra,_ she thought. _And all my fault, because I didn’t listen._

Behind them, Catra shrieked. 

“Catra!” Adora cried, wrestling with a clone, eyes wide. Glimmer turned to see that Prime had finally caught up with the other girl and had her by the hair. Catra flailed in the air, squirming every which way to get out of the monster’s grasp, claws extended. He raised a hand, chip in his claws. 

“Such a shame,” Prime said mournfully. “Such a beautiful warrior you would have made, if you let your heart become pure.” Hand extending, he attached the chip to the back of her neck. Catra cried out, green energy crackling around the back of her neck. “Unfortunately, some creatures are made simply for... destruction.” The green energy increased, and Catra _screamed_ , eyes rolling back as she slumped. Air hissed shallowly from what could only be damaged and fried lungs. Prime tossed her like a broken rag doll over the side of the platform. 

“CATRA!” Adora screamed, leaping after her friend. Glimmer stared, shaking, watching as Prime and the others approached. _This is it,_ she thought hollowly. _I’m dead._ Prime smirked, taking his time. 

The platform exploded. 

Glimmer shrieked, thrown clear and caught by strong arms encased in a golden glow. She-Ra had never been more of a welcome sight. 

“Can you run?” Adora asked, setting her on her feet. Glimmer nodded, watching as her friend gently picked up the prone form at her feet. Catra’s breaths rattled on each intake, each one smaller than the last. It was clear she didn’t have long. 

They ran. 

It was ridiculous how fast She-Ra could run. Glimmer had always been slower than Adora, but as She-Ra Glimmer found herself lagging behind drastically. Adora could have walked to the ship faster, wherever it was they had parked. Thankfully, or not, Entrapta had somehow called the ship –Mara's ship as it turned out- to her and Bow and the clone she called Wrong Hordak. Adora handed her Catra before seeing off the last of Prime’s clones, ordering Darla to take them home. 

Catra ceased breathing altogether. 

“No!” Glimmer shouted, some long forgotten first aid course with her mother kicking in as she attempted to pump air back into her lungs. “Catra!” Adora was there in minutes. 

“Catra,” she whispered. The girl didn’t take another breath. Glimmer had felt her pulse, thready and weak but there. But if she didn’t breathe... “You’ve never given up on anything before,” Adora continued, in a world seemingly her own. “You’re not allowed to do so now.” 

The ship glowed with blinding golden light. When it dissipated, She-Ra was gone, replaced with Adora. The silence stretched on. 

Catra took in a shuddering gasping breath, hacking and coughing and pushing Adora away as she did so, fighting to get her breath back. Adora’s face lit up in relief, catching her friend when she slumped back, exhausted. Blue and gold eyes slowly blinked up at her. 

“Hey, Adora,” she whispered, in a tone that Glimmer supposed they weren’t supposed to hear. She pretended she hadn’t. 

Even so, it was no surprise that a minute later Catra was gone. 


	2. Chapter 2

Catra wasn’t sure what was more humiliating. Spending so long under the influence of catnip with Sparkles, completely losing herself to her stupid _feelings_ or being caught letting them out. Stupid catnip and it’s dropping of her inhibitions. She was always, _always_ at her weakest under it. It was why Shadow Weaver never cared if she got her hands on it- just another thing to control Adora’s little stray, found in a box one night as a toddler in the Fright Zone. The one that no one but Adora wanted. 

No matter what she did, that particular hurt never went away. 

She wasn’t sure how long she had sequestered herself away in one of the spare rooms in Darla, but it was long enough that her stomach was growling for food, food it had been getting far more often on Horde Prime’s ship than in the Fright Zone. If she concentrated, she could hear Entrapta wandering through the vents of the ship, humming to herself as she worked on fixing the damage caused by Darla’s impromptu barrage through Prime’s stronghold. Somewhere, Glimmer was rummaging around in the hold, while Bow and Adora were still in the control room most likely. She couldn’t hear them at all. 

Tail curling around herself in an attempt at comfort, she sighed. Hiding was not the most mature thing she had ever done, but there was no high spot to find here to ruminate on her mistakes and everyone on this ship hated her. Even Glimmer, despite the time spent in a cell together. She only had vague memories of when she was sick, her body betraying her after everything she had put it through. The fact that it had taken Sparkles’ insistence on eating to realise she hadn’t even been _eating_ right for _months_ should never have happened. She wasn’t stupid, she knew she had to eat and sleep right to keep in shape, but Catra had always been good at pushing herself beyond the limits most others would fail at. So what if her stomach was rumbling? Shadow Weaver liked to take rations as punishment, especially if she was punishing Adora. And Catra was an easy target to get Adora to do what she wanted.

_Adora’s pet,_ she thought spitefully. _That’s what you’ll always be. No matter what you do, you just can’t help_ _falling_ _right back into her arms like a fool._

_“_ Catra?” Catra jumped at the sound of Sparkles’ voice, curious with a hint of... worry? _What’s she worried about? “_ Catra? Where are you?” For a moment she thought about staying still. 

Instead, her tail twitched, giving away her position, the traitor. Glimmer rounded the corner, eyes scrunched up in concern. 

“There you are!” she breathed, sounding almost relieved. “You disappeared so quick...” She trailed off, glancing behind her, biting her lip. Entrapta gave a squeak in the vents as something zapped her. “I’m making dinner. Do you... want to help?” Catra blinked. 

“I don’t know how to cook,” she said bluntly. “We don’t exactly have much in the way of ingredients in the Horde.” Glimmer shrugged. 

“I know,” she said. “Adora told us. But, it’s never too late to learn.” Catra gave her an unimpressed look. 

“What, and you do?” she snapped. Glimmer gave a small smile. 

“My mother taught me a recipe or two. It was something we did together... to remind us of my dad.” Catra blinked. _Her mother... who died somewhere, since she’s now Queen._ Catra had always wondered what had happened to Queen Angella. She also had enough tact to not ask. 

“Well, I’ve got nothing else to do,” she muttered, opting to stand. She had humiliated herself already in front of Sparkles- what was one more? Thankfully, whatever She-Ra had done to heal her festering wounds, caused by Horde Prime, had cured the catnip high as well. She could think her way out of this situation. 

But then... where would she go? She wasn’t stupid enough to think that she could just _join_ the Rebellion. Scorpia could, she was a princess and could claim she only did what she did in the interests of survival. Adora got away with being only a cadet and their wonderful She-Ra. Shadow Weaver sold her way into the Rebellion, making herself invaluable for her information and magic. But Catra? She had gone out of her way to obstruct them, had activated the portal in a desperate attempt to return things to the way they _should_ have been, without any of this She-Ra nonsense. And even then, Adora had left her. _Nothing but her pet, ready to be put aside or put down at a moment’s notice,_ she thought with disgust. _My proper place. Even Sparkles knows it._

Glimmer didn’t seem to care at this moment, though, as she led her through Darla to the ship’s kitchen. Catra would never admit that the idea of cooking was something she found intimidating. So many things that could go wrong, so many delicate items that went into food so easily crushed in her claws. She’d retract them if she could remember how anymore. Perhaps she should have let Shadow Weaver de-claw her at age six after all. 

“So,” Glimmer started as they entered the kitchen, the clone hovering over boxes anxiously, “what did you have to eat in the Horde then?” It was the most awkward attempt to start a conversation Catra had ever heard, and she had lived with Scorpia and Hordak for _months_. 

“Ration bars,” Catra said flatly. “The grey kind was far better than the brown though.” She poked a box labelled with First One’s writing. Glimmer shook another before opening and sniffing. The sweet smell of sugar filled the room briefly before she closed it, nodding to herself. 

“Well, um, can you help me find some flour? I keep finding sugar, which is-” 

“I know what sugar is,” Catra said forcefully. Just because Shadow Weaver never brought _her_ normal food, didn’t mean she couldn’t smell what she brought Adora. When they were very little, Adora had even let her lick the remnants off her fingers, giggling at Catra’s rough little tongue as it eagerly devoured the scraps, like an animal. “Flour is the non-sweet stuff right?” Glimmer nodded, refusing to comment on her short tone. Catra nodded, taking in a long inhale. 

The first scents were of glitter and clone amniotic fluid. She refused to wrinkle her nose at that, doing her best to block out the clone. It didn’t make much of a difference. Another inhale located that all the boxes by Glimmer were full of sweetness- some sugar, some citrusy sweet. The ones she had been poking were spicey. The clone had hold of a box that smelt of... dust? She wandered over, sniffing deeply. _Probably flour, right?_ She thought, taking the box from him. He offered her a bright smile. 

“Is this what you were looking for, Little Sister?” She hissed, before realising he had asked it with genuine enthusiasm, so eager to please. Forcing her fur to sit flat again, she nodded silently, pressing her lips together. 

“This what you were looking for Sparkles?” she asked, holding it out. Glimmer stepped closer, gently opening the box, nodding. 

“Yeah, this is exactly what I was looking for,” she said. “Well, we have enough ingredients for the dough with water... And they’ve got some freeze-dried fruits as well. Can you smell if they haven’t gone off?” Catra resisted the urge to point out she was not a sniffer dog, snatching the packet held out to her. It smelled fine to her, a bit like ozone, but the fruits underneath seemed to have held up well enough. She wondered whether any of them had thought to stock new provisions before leaving Etheria. The kitchen screamed otherwise. 

“Yeah, smells fine,” she muttered, handing it back and hopping on top of a box. The clone watched with wide eyes as Glimmer nodded, heading over to a counter. Catra curled up small, resisting the urge to purr to herself for comfort. Shadow Weaver had beaten that particular instinct out of her, but she did sometimes feel the urge rise occasionally. 

Indulgence, however, was rare. 

Glimmer, thankfully, didn’t feel the need to continue to talk. She bustled around the kitchen, fiddling with various appliances, to put together some kind of dough-wrapped fruit parcel. It smelled divine when she finally put it in the oven, Wrong Hordak (the clone’s name apparently) offering minimal help except to smile blandly and attempt to put in weird amniotic goo that all the clones were apparently fed on. Catra banished the thought regarding whether Hordak had once been this monumentally dumb. Instead, she opted to watch them carefully, ears peeled back to keep an eye on where the others had gone. A couple of times she heard Adora pass the kitchen calling her name. Entrapta continued to wander the vents, popping out once to speak with Wrong Hordak, and Bow stayed firmly in the Control Room, which she couldn’t hear at all. Hiding with Sparkles had done its job, however- Adora didn’t find her and Glimmer was tactful enough not to give her presence away. 

Catra couldn’t quite pin why she was avoiding Adora specifically. She just knew that she couldn’t talk to her. Not right now, anyway. It was one thing to snark across a battlefield or share a room with Sparkles. It was another to open up entirely, and she knew that that was what Adora was looking for. For complete openness and a full explanation of why she had done the things she did, why she had clawed her way to the top with such vindictiveness to kill anyone who got in her way. 

And she knew, Adora would never accept her answers. 

_I left the Horde,_ Adora had said, multiple times. Had told Sparkles, even. And Catra, ever the overthinker, could never understand how she couldn’t equate leaving the Horde, to simultaneously leaving _Catra_. Sure, she had made her decision- Catra was versatile, she could survive without the safety net Adora provided- but Catra also knew she had no place in the Rebellion. She was no princess, no She-Ra returned from the beyond, no important person from a long-dead people. Outside of the Horde she was _nobody_. Just another hybrid to be thrown aside and treated as the pet she was always meant to be. Nobody cared about her intelligence, her strategic mind, her cunning and prowess in battle. Even Hordak had taken it all for granted, not caring that she had improved the output of the Horde, even with the losses taken in every battle with She-Ra. Did it matter that she compensated for that? No, all that mattered was his stupid portal and his stupid attachment to Entrapta. 

“Hey, Catra,” Glimmer suddenly said, quietly into the silence they had been sitting in. “Why did you do it?” Catra blinked at her in confusion. 

“Do what?” she asked. “You’re going to have to be more specific, Sparkles.” 

“Why did you help us? Help Adora? Why help the Horde, if they hate you so much?” She asked all the questions in a rush, seemingly bursting with them. “Why did you set off the portal? And why was my dad there? You’ve never even met him, but he was _there_ -” 

“I don’t know anything about your father,” Catra snapped, overwhelmed and unwilling to talk about any of it. “And I didn’t help _you_.” Glimmer’s mouth twitched. 

“I know that,” she said bluntly. “You only offered to help after Bow mentioned Adora was with Prime. I meant... before that.” Catra scowled, scrunching up tighter. 

“I am _not_ having this conversation,” she spat. Glimmer’s eyes were sad. 

“The portal was what you wanted, wasn’t it?” she continued, ignoring Catra’s wishes just like everyone else. “You weren’t a Force Captain, weren’t even important in the Horde. And Adora said Shadow Weaver was _nice_ to you.” Catra stiffened, ghostly fingers caressing her face with the gentleness a mother ought to have. Remembered the only time it had happened in reality and curled her lips back to reveal fangs. “It was the world as you wanted it to be, wasn’t it?” 

“Shut. Up.” Glimmer turned back towards the oven, removing steaming buns which smelled _heavenly_. 

“My mother died in that portal,” she said abruptly, without facing Catra. “The only way to close it was for someone to stay behind. But by the time anyone got close to the sword, only Adora and my mother were left...” Catra swallowed, guilt pooling in her stomach. “For so long, I was angry and scared I was going to lose someone else, like I lost her. Adora said she chose to stay behind, to sacrifice herself for everyone, but... sometimes I wish she hadn’t, that she had _stayed_.” Catra turned her head away, refusing to admit how close the point hit home. “And all that fear did was drive me to Shadow Weaver and away from my friends. I set off the Heart of Etheria, thinking I could use it to protect everyone and all I did was reveal Etheria to Prime.” A bun appeared under her nose. 

Catra glanced up to find Glimmer staring at her with eyes brimming with tears. 

“I’m sorry you never had good enough friends to pull you back the way mine tried with me.” 

* * *

Adora couldn’t find Catra and she was panicking. She would never admit to panicking, but she knew Bow could tell. She had run round the ship three times now, and all she had found was Entrapta in the vents and Glimmer in the kitchen, which she avoided. Time in Bright Moon’s kitchens had proven to the world that she was no cook. 

She was about to start a fourth run when Glimmer appeared with a tray of food, Wrong Hordak trailing behind her like a lost puppy. Social convention between them forced her to stay put and wolf down food that was _hopefully_ still edible (Catra would surely have snarked something about thinking ahead and how Adora always failed to do so, why wasn’t she _here_ -). 

“There’s some freeze-dried fruit left over that I didn’t use,” Glimmer said, cutting through Adora’s frantic thoughts. “Catra said they were still good to eat. Probably de-hydrated so they would keep for Mara’s journey through space.” 

“You’ve seen Catra?” Adora asked, trying not to seem desparate. From her friends’ looks, she failed miserably. 

“She helped me cook,” Glimmer said with a shrug. Bow looked immediately nervous. 

“She did?” Adora asked, surprised. Cooking wasn’t ever really a thing in the Horde, and she had neither the time nor the patience for it. And Catra never fully retracted her claws, either. 

“Well, she mostly just helped find all the ingredients and ensure they were still edible,” Glimmer admitted. “But she did help!” Bow relaxed minutely. Entrapta, covered in grease from the vents, took an enthusiastic bite. 

“Seems edible to me!” she exclaimed, as near a compliment as the girl could give. 

“Where is she now?” Bow asked nervously. Glimmer bit her lip, eyes glancing towards the door. They stayed ominously shut. 

“She... stayed in the kitchen,” she said eventually. “Didn’t feel up to joining us, I guess.” Entrapta blinked at them all, shrugging. 

“Makes sense,” Entrapta hummed. “Catra has the worst case of abandonment I have ever witnessed in a person. Even Darla wasn’t so hurt by Mara leaving!” Adora blinked at the girl, wondering if that was a dig. 

“I left the Horde,” she half-growled. “Catra _chose_ to stay-” 

“There are no other recorded Magicats left alive outside of the Horde. Only one member of the Horde belongs to the species, meaning Catra could very well be the last of her kind,” Entrapta interrupted her. “Data shows cultures have reacted poorly to Magicats in the past, treating them as pets, savage beasts or of below average intelligence. It is likely she felt she had no other place to go.” Silence descended in the room. 

It was the closest Entrapta had ever come to saying, ‘ _shut up, you’re being an idiot’._ Guilt sat heavy in Adora’s stomach. 

“What’s a Magicat?” she ventured after a moment. Glimmer looked a bit blind-sided while Bow just looked... sad. Edging on devastated. 

“You guys didn’t know?” he asked quietly. Adora shook her head, Glimmer ducking her head, face reddening in shame. Bow deflated, placing his half-eaten bun down. “The Magicats used to live in the Whispering Woods. My Dads said they were the original Guardians on the Sword, when it was left by the last She-Ra, Mara. But the Horde... they ripped through the Whispering Woods over ten years ago. Wiped them out.” 

“Data shows that they were in fact a magical species. They were the first to start incorporating First One’s tech with modern tech!” Entrapta continued excitedly, completely missing the mood of the room. “My bots found me artefacts from the ruins of Halfmoon, starting my interest in the incorporation of magic and First Ones tech with our own systems!” Adora swallowed. 

“And they’re... they’re definitely gone?” she asked in a small voice. Bow and Entrapta nodded. 

“Yeah,” Bow breathed. “My Dads excavated the ruins some years ago. There was no evidence that anyone survived. They were surprised to hear that Catra was in the Horde.” Adora bit her lip. 

“I found her in a box when I was four,” she admitted. “No one knows how she got there. The memory is fuzzy but... Shadow Weaver was mad, I remember that much. She... punished me when I begged her to let Catra stay.” The ‘ _alive’_ was silent, but the others heard it anyway if their flinches were any indication. Adora wasn’t lying completely- she could remember clearly finding the then-three-nearly-four-year-old Catra, the box battered and weathered by rain and pollution, the girl inside hissing violently to the cadets who came near. Adora had lifted the box lid herself, earning a scratch to her cheek for her troubles, too interested in the distressed purrs coming from the box to be careful. 

It had taken hours to coax the girl out of the box, and another hour to convince Shadow Weaver not to murder her the moment she set foot over the threshold of the barracks. Adora gave up half her ration bars for weeks to feed the other girl before Shadow Weaver finally relented and registered her as Adora’s teammate. 

They were the only cadet group with five members, even if Shadow Weaver referred to them as four and a pet. 

* * *

The fruit bun sat heavily in Catra’s stomach, twisting and roiling and threatening to make a reappearance. She swallowed heavily, refusing her stomach that urge. It didn’t matter how guilty she felt, her body needed the sustenance. She had held down ration bars for years through different illnesses, all of which supposedly untreatable because of her species, she would _not_ throw up because of _guilt_. She wouldn’t. 

She also couldn’t bring back Glimmer’s mother, either. 

Catra had never really thought of how they had closed the portal. The last thing she remembered was Adora yelling at her to live with her decision. Then they were back in Hordak’s lab and she decided she would do _just that_. And live with it she did, every First One’s damned day. She had lied and deceived and connived her way to the top, had fooled Hordak and the Rebellion and... 

She swiped angrily at the tears pooling in her eyes. _You made your choice_ , Adora had said. _Now live with it._ She might as well have stabbed her. And in her desperation to prove that it was the _right_ decision, she had pushed Scorpia away as well. And Double Trouble... well, he was only ever a paid lackey. She ought to have known better than to get _attached_. 

_Live with it_. Well, there was nothing else she could do was there? She had no magic, she wasn’t Shadow Weaver and she knew no more than Glimmer about Horde Prime. Might as well brace for the inevitable sentence waiting for her back on Etheria. 

“Catra?” She stiffened at the call, at the _concern_ in Adora’s voice. “Catra, I know you’re in there.” _Fuck you, Sparkles,_ she thought harshly. Catra had most decidedly not wanted to talk to _anyone_. “Catra, please. I just want to talk.” 

The snort left her before she could stop it. A moment later, Adora was there, standing over the little hiding spot she had found behind the spices. Catra had found that she rather liked their scents, far better than the heavy fog and pollution of the Fright Zone and not so sickly sweet as to remind her of Shadow Weaver’s garden. Adora’s face screamed relief at having found her. 

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Adora said, kneeling. “There’s some food left over...” She trailed off, awkward, as Catra turned away from her. There was a soft clang as Adore accidentally knocked the mask aside. 

“What do you want, Adora?” she snapped. 

“I wanted to make sure you were ok,” she said. The stiffness of her body and the strained tone of voice gave away the lie. Catra scowled at the floor, flicking her tail away from her. 

Adora sighed, picking up the mask and folding herself into the space, uninvited. 

“I remember when I found this for you,” she mused out loud. “Shadow Weaver wanted to take it from me, but I insisted. I thought it was neat.” She held it up to the light, poking at the little dents that made it seem like Catra had four eyes rather than two. They never did find out what originally went in them. “She was so mad when I gave it to you.” Catra’s ears twitched in interest. 

She hadn’t thought Shadow Weaver cared what she wore. 

“Yeah,” Adora breathed, seeming to know she had caught Catra’s interest. “She even shocked me with lightening. I don’t' know who was more surprised out of the two of us.” She paused, rubbing her arms. “I didn’t know how painful it was, until then,” she continued quietly. “I... I’m sorry I left you.” 

“No you aren’t,” Catra said, turning away further. “You wouldn’t have left if you were.” The words were bitter on her tongue. 

“I... Catra, you _knew_ the Horde was lying. I didn’t. I thought... at the time, I thought it was the best decision.” Adora paused then, shuffling awkwardly. “And you were always so strong. Way stronger than me- I didn’t think the rest of the Horde saw you the same way as Shadow Weaver.” Catra couldn’t help glancing over her shoulder at the guilty tone of voice. For once, Adora had left her hair down, almost hiding behind it. Blonde locks hid her face, but the smell of salt gave away the tears she was hiding. “I was such a fool.” 

“Yeah, you are an idiot,” she agreed, almost reflexively. Adora laughed wetly. They sat in silence a moment, Adora sniffling occasionally. She jumped when Catra’s tail wound itself round her wrist. “You sound pathetic,” Catra sniffed, hiding her red cheeks. Adora smiled. 

“Catra... I always wondered... did you remember anything from before?” Catra stiffened, glancing at her in surprise. 

“No,” she snapped quickly, irritated. “You know I don’t. I remember waking up in that box, alone. That’s it.” 

“But...” She trailed off at the glare Catra sent her. One hand trailed gently down the tail still wrapped around her wrist. Catra flushed at the feeling, absolutely _refusing_ to purr. “Bow said that the Horde wiped out the Magicats.” Catra gave her a quizzical look. Adora’s tragic expression was more than she felt at the statement. 

“Do you want me to cry for some family I never knew or something?” Catra asked eventually as the silence stretched. “Because that’s stupid.” Adora twitched. 

“No,” she agreed. “It does seem weird, mourning for people you never knew.” Catra snorted, knowing how much of a lie that was coming from her bleeding-heart friend. “I just... thought you’d be interested in knowing where you came from.” There was a scar there, something Catra did _not_ know. She frowned. 

“Why? You never knew where you came from either,” she pointed out. Adora flinched. 

“Actually,” she started, glancing away and hiding behind her hair again. “I do. Now. Know where I came from.” Catra found herself shuffling closer, despite herself. She hesitated in laying a hand on her shoulder. “Shadow Weaver said that Hordak opened a portal once, before. And that...” 

“You came through,” Catra finished for her. “And Shadow Weaver declared you her chance at redemption. Her precious little First One.” Adora glanced back to scowl at her and Catra shrugged. “What? It’s not like it isn’t true,” she snapped. Adora sighed. 

“Glimmer said she told you about the portal,” she said, abruptly changing the subject. “She thought you knew, before you were captured by Prime, about her mother.” 

“And how would I have known that?” Catra snapped, defensive to hide the guilt she was drowning in. “I’m not psychic!” 

“No, but you’re not stupid,” Adora snapped back. “How else do you think Glimmer became Queen?” 

“Um, by working her way up the ladder?” Catra pointed out. “Or the Queen stepped aside? How was I supposed to know she could only become Queen when her mother-” She cut herself off before she could say the word. It hung between them anyway. Adora was quiet too. 

“Yeah,” she breathed. “Yeah, the Horde didn’t really teach us about... parents.” It was still awkward. “She didn’t just save me though. She saved everyone. And it was her choice to stay.” 

“Of course she did,” Catra grumbled. “No one ever stays.” Adora stiffened at those words and Catra cursed silently. She hated making herself vulnerable, should have known better, being vulnerable was being _weak_ and she couldn’t afford to be weak here- 

“I hate that Shadow Weaver left you for me,” Adora stated into the silence. “And I hate myself for not taking you with me like...” She trailed off a moment and Catra blinked, wondering where she was going with that sentence. “I should have dragged you with me when I left,” she said, fingers curling into fists. “And all this time, I wondered why Scorpia hated me.” She let out a bleak laugh, one so foreign to Adora that Catra had to blink at her in confusion. “Even _Entrapta_ saw it better than me.” 

The pathetic self-recrimination was too much. She punched Adora’s arm. The blonde let out a squeak. 

“You’re making me sick with all that self-hatred,” she said bluntly. “You told me to live with my decisions. Take your own advice.” Adora stared at her a moment, face blank. A moment later, it was filled with horror, mixed with guilt and she buried her face in her hands. 

“Idiot,” she muttered, “idiot, idiot, idiot.” Catra cocked her head, confused at this sudden turn of events. Adora noticed and gave a weak chuckle. “I told you to live with your decision, even after I _abandoned_ you-” 

“I tried to kill you,” Catra pointed out, confused. “More than once.” Adora shook her head, still muttering. Catra frowned. “What, are you brain-damaged or something? How does me trying to kill you, _several times_ , make _you_ the idiot? I set off the portal, I sent Double Trouble to cause dissent in your ranks, I drove Scorpia away, I sent Entrapta to Beast Island and plotted the downfall of the Rebellion. How was _any_ of that on you?” Adora made a squeaking noise. 

“At least you know what you did,” she said, almost hysterically. Catra considered punching her again. 

“Adora, why are you here?” she asked again, more confused than ever. “What do you want, really?” Adora peeked at her between her fingers, grey-blue eyes wide. 

Catra ignored the thump her heart gave at the redness around them. 

“I just want things to go back to the way they were,” she whispered. “I want... I want you to stay with me when we get back to Etheria, fight against the Horde with us. But I know it won’t happen.” 

“There isn’t really a Horde to go back to,” Catra said bluntly. “Me and Hordak had... a small disagreement before Prime showed up. And you guys were beating us, remember?” Adora blinked. “There is nowhere on Etheria for me.” 

“Not even with me?” Adora asked. Catra blinked, staring. 

_Damn you, traitorous heart_ , she thought. 


End file.
